ONe day at a time

I haven’t had a “job” for a long time.  Before anyone says anything, my stay at home mom job is wayyyyyy more important and more fulfilling then I could have ever imagined.  By the time all is said and done I will have played a huge role in six children becoming adults.  I will have held them at their saddest and cheered for them at their happiest.  I will have been sad and disappointed and in the same breath proud and the most excited.  I already know that me being home is the best thing for our kids.  I guess I feel like sometimes I need to see it on paper.  Like, if I write it or, in this case type it, it means more. 

Back to my first sentence….”I haven’t had a get up early, receive regular monetary compensation type of job in a long time”.  When I say long, we are talking, 9 years.  Ok now that I have typed that, its not that long but, I left active duty in August 2011.  I worked briefly at the gym on Oceana naval base and then started college.  I did a few years in the reserves which, I guess sort of counts.  I worked really hard In college and now have three degrees.  One of which I fear I may never use and, the other two, I am working up the gumption to continue that path.  Now that I have gone through the rabbit hole of college, I lost my train of thought. 

AH yes!  What is the point???? At times I feel like, even in the midst of rocking at being a mom, I am lost.  The questions that continue to cycle back through my brain; What will I do when I’m older?  What do I see myself doing?  Will I know my purpose after my children are grown?  It’s scary and unsettling to say the least.  Why can’t I just stop to smell the roses?  Why can’t I be still where I am?  Does anyone else feel like this? I think I may know the direction I would like to go but, I can’t be 100% sure because I can’t see that far down the road.  Is that wrong? Am I failing to plan which as my husband would say is a plan for failure? 

My dad learned a saying while in rehab, you probably know it, “One day at a time”.  DUHHHHHH  Crystal!  I got myself a little worked up and anxious thinking about the future that I felt like I wanted to just run and hide.  Right now it is almost midnight and what I need to be doing is going to bed.  Tomorrow I am not checking out the job market, I plan on doing my mom morning routine to get the kids to school on time.  I also need to get groceries, pay bills and work out…all before noon! WHEW!!

 There are times where I feel like I don’t know why God has placed me here.  If you are reading this and you have been here, there are times where we may feel like we are a burden financially and that we should be looking for a job.  There are times where we may feel as though we are inadequate.  There are times where we may need to be lifted up and not put down.  ONE DAY AT A TIME.  Just breath through it and know you are enough.  Know that God made you wonderfully and purposefully and that he has a plan for you.  GOOODNESSS……I feel better.  OK we can do this!  I am going to bed but before I go, I have decided to change up my blog a bit. You’ll notice some changes in the next few days and I hope they are for the better.  I’d like to start a daily affirmation prayer message.  I may do it on here or just on my IG.  I’ll mull it over tonight and see how it fits. Until tomorrow my loves!

Love,

Ce