Have you ever felt like you had it all together?  Like you had finally figured out the secret to all things? You went through the day feeling refreshed, drank plenty of water, actually ate something, got the kids to school on time, kept up with the laundry and dishes, paid the bills on time and the house was spotless? After the new year, this was me.  I was kicking ass at being mom (ruler of ALL things).  I had lost a few pounds, was on time to buy the kids lunches for school and even meal prepped.  I had one good month at the start of 2021 and then it was shattered into a thousand pieces. 

Rob was in NC for training for about 3 weeks and during that time I got the most amazing phone call.  It was my dad calling from the Yuma airport to come pick him up.  This was a total surprise and was much needed!  The kids were so very excited to see him and I just wanted to cry I was so excited.  He came into town February 8^th and was supposed to leave that Saturday.  He helped with projects, spent quality time with each of the kids by themselves and most of the days he would drop and pick up the kids from school.  The big snow storm that wreaked havoc across the country caused his flight to be delayed and then cancelled.  No sweat right?? We get him here for longer!!! My mom called the airline to get his return flight changed to Feb 20^th. 

The morning of February 17^th daddy went to urgent care because he was having chest squeezing and he was not able to catch his breath.  They gave him a Z pack, cough syrup, an inhaler and prednisone.  Less than 4 hours later I watched his color leave his face and he seemed off.  He said he was ok but, after bringing Ocean home from school, I knew something was wrong. He was gray, he was trying to take deep breaths and was he quickly becoming lethargic.  I called the ambulance and as soon as I saw the EKG strip I knew this was more serious than a z pack could cure.  He was in AFIB and was having a heart attack.  They prepped the med to cardio vert him and away he went in the ambulance.  They left without saying a word to me. I was the one now who could hardly catch my breath.  I was falling apart by the second and there was no one to physically catch me.  The kids were in the house as I made the phone call to my mom and to rob and I don’t remember what happened next.  It was a bur.  I was spinning in circles inside but I needed to remain calm and steady for the kids.  Admissions called to ask for insurance information which gave me a glimpse of hope because he was there, alive at that moment and getting admitted.  I referred them to my mom and prayed more than I ever have.

We found out that once they tried to cardio vert him in the ambulance, they knew that he had a blockage and the cardiac team was waiting for him to arrive to take him right into surgery.  They did a cardiac cath and placed 2 stints very quickly.  It was around 5:40pm when the ambulance took him from here and at 7:15pm we were awaiting the phone call that he was in the pacu.  This was impressive and it was the start of the best care we have EVER been a witness to. 

The kids put pop pop on the prayer list at school the next day and we had an outpouring of phone calls, donations and dinner was delivered that evening to us.  I have never been brought to my knees but on this day, I cried and prayed on my knees more times than I can count.  By dinner time my watch said “recovery time delayed, A high level of stress slowed your recovery” and my body battery was 100% drained. This has NEVER happened to me before.  I slowly pulled myself to stand multiple times that day, I felt myself going to a dark place.  A place where I didn’t want to get out of bed.  But, God showed me just why I needed to stand.  My dad left his daily word book here and the relevance was uncanny.  I knew that no matter what happened, his work is not done and there is no way I can give up and let Satan take over.  I knew in my heart that he was going to be ok and that we were going to be ok.

The next few days were also a blur.  It was an emotional roller coaster.  Rob got home on the 19^th and I felt like collapsing in his arms.  My dad was discharged on the 22^nd and it was then where I felt both relieved and terrified.  I knew that if anything happened, we could work quick on our feet to render aid and get him help but, I felt like a ticking time bomb.  With Rob back I did get some relief but, as I said before, I was falling apart.  My dad was home for less than 24 hours and was headed back to the ER for some vision issues amongst other things.  It was at that point that I needed my mom.  I called her and she jumped on a plane the very next morning.  Now, I know you may be thinking; oh good Crystal, I am glad you called.  I wasn’t glad, I was ashamed.  I felt like I had failed and I wasn’t strong enough which, is just not in my vocabulary (unless I am trying to do pull ups….but, I WILL master those soon).  My pride was hurt and I was angry at myself for needing my mom, me who holds a laundry list of rewarding titles… (Navy vet, Corpsman, mom of 6 (and all that entails), Marine Wife (and all that entails), someone who earned 3 degrees and is going for a 4^th…..WHYYYYY can’t I do this? 

Dad was discharged on the 23rd and things got better.  He had many appointments with specialists and follow ups upon follow ups while he was here.  Mom helped me in the house and we took the kids back and forth to school and their activities.  My garage got organized and cleaned out (thanks to dads’ inability to sit still HA!), which is great.  He was able to supervise the fence project, the pool project and other small things.  My mom was able to get their flights changed again and they were due to go home March 20^th.  We went to church each Sunday and every single time the pastor spoke, it felt like he knew what was going on with us all.  

Right after church on March 7^th I received a phone call from my grandmothers, husband’s daughter; letting me know that my grandmother (my dads’ mom and our G mom) had to be taken to the hospital.  Less than an hour later, the doctor called my dad to tell him she didn’t make it.  HOW COULD THIS BE???? My grannie who had been there my entire life was gone and there was nothing I could do to fix it.  I think it was at this point where I felt like I was going to puke and or pass out.  I watched the strongest man I know (my dad) crumble to the ground with my mom holding him.  I watched my kids cry for what seemed like hours and I was struggling to even breath.  I made the phone calls to my sisters and I just wanted them here.  It was check in day for Rob for a course he is in and I was unable to reach him.  I prayed and I felt like I heard her consoling me.  We were all outside and the sermon that I mentioned earlier came back into my brain and smacked me right in the chest.  The sermon that day touched on the emotions we feel when someone we know dies.  The pastor spoke about how angry he was for 2 years after his mother had passed away and how he came around and remembered that this right here is not our forever place.  His mother had gone to heaven and essentially won the race to heaven (where we all will be).  At that moment I knew again that it was going to be ok.  I know without a doubt she walked or maybe ran through those gates for all of eternity and I knew that my grand-daddy (JR) was waiting for her.

 Do I struggle with this still? YES!  I stomped my foot a second ago because I am ugly crying and upset that she is no longer here on earth with me.  I do a lot of talking to myself and her and I say things like; “I wish you were here” and then I quickly say, “but you are in the best place to be, our forever home”.  Or “I wish you would have come to see us in AZ”, “but, Crystal, remember, you can’t run through the list of the “what If’s””.  Two days after she passed, I started to work on her obituary at the request of Craig.  I couldn’t believe I was writing it. It didn’t seem real and to be honest with you all, it still doesn’t seem real. I feel like she is on vacation and she’ll call or text me in a few days.  The memories I have of her are all so sweet.  She was strong willed and firm in her faith.  She wanted everyone to do the very best they could because she knew their full potential.  She was wise and so so smart.  She could cook like no other and no too long ago was able to sing like an angel.  She was a mover and a shaker and a real-life pioneer woman.  I could continue for hours and my heart is so full of wonderful memories we had with her (HAHH!  Sorry, I am just thinking about all of her quick-witted comments).  She was hysterical as well. 

Back to the visit….I knew my parents needed to get out of this house and go do something fun so, they decided on trying out the new scooters they have downtown.  Well 2 hours into it, a dog lunged at my moms scooter and she went down, hard.  She went head first, briefly lost consciousness and had some gnarly road rash.  They headed back here and a few minutes later, dropped her off at the ER…. Upon inspection, I knew the opening in her head (though small) would need a closure and I felt like it was better safe than sorry to get a concussion eval.  She was in and out in a few hours, got some glue, cleared for a concussion and was discharged.  WHHEEWWWW!!!! I know this whole thing is all about how I felt and maybe its selfish blogging but, I don’t think I could have handled anything else.  Let’s get real, at this point I had stopped working out, I was doing horrible at helping the kids with homework (they had the grades to prove it), I was doing even worse at keeping the house chores up, I lacked a drive to do much.  It was rob who called me on it.  I was so very angry when he first brought it up.  In my mind he had no place to tell me what to do but, a few days later I knew he was right.  I needed to get up, take a step forward and get back to being me. 

SOOOOOOO besides retelling all of the events that happened in February and March, what is the point????? I think the key word, bonus word or whatever you what to call it, that comes to mind is awareness.  Now, my purpose is not  to play the “what if” game nor do I want to point blame at anyone but, these few things I have listed below are all statements of fact 🙂

My dad was having chest tightness and shortness of breath since their trip here at Christmas time.  Let me remind all of you if you don’t know.  In February he became a 13-year triple bypass survivor. Praise GOD!  So, awareness of symptoms that are NOT normal are critical for him, shoot for everyone if we are being honest.

 He scheduled a nuclear stress test a week prior to him coming to make sure he was clear to go (he knew something was off)….The test had to be reversed due to pain and discomfort…the results were inconclusive and there was NO follow up. Awareness of his symptoms along with the events that occurred at the stress test are key factors in a need for follow up.

 His first night here he had severe indigestion and chest tightness coupled with anxiety.  ( I knew something was wrong and had difficulty falling asleep but said to myself it was GERD). Awareness of the signs and symptoms of a heart attack is so important to prevent the continuance of damage being done to the heart. 

Awareness of an EKG, what it can determine and the importance of scheduling one for someone with his history and symptoms he was feeling is critical, especially in an urgent care situation.  My old provider used to tell me, rule every thing out!

Awareness that there is going to be some sort of anxiety for a period of time in a patient post-surgery, post hospital visit, post counseling, post ANYTHING really and that it is soooo important to follow up with them.  Also, ensuring a well written/documented plan that has been discussed with the patient can certainly help

 Lastly, from what I experienced with my 63 year old father, be aware of the actions of the clinical environment.  We know you are busy, over worked , underpaid etc but, make the patient feel that in the few minutes of discussion whether it be by phone, email or in the office, that they are the only patient on that providers schedule all day can make a huge difference.  Here in AZ most if not all of the providers gave my dad their personal cell phone numbers and it made him feel connected and his anxiety decreased. 

If you have someone you know or you yourself are at risk for a heart attack, please schedule an appointment with you doctor.  Get to know the risk factors as well as the signs and symptoms and don’t ignore them.  Be aware of your body and if something is off, call your primary care doctor or specialist if you already see one.  Know that you can call 911 and get help (don’t just take a nap) which, is what my dad said he probably would have done if he was home.  Be your own advocate and ask questions about EVERYTHING!!!  It may seem like you are bugging your provider and maybe there are some who make you feel like you are and, in that case, find a different provider.  Ask questions about your meds, your risks, your activities, your diagnosis.  Don’t just let them give you a few print outs and call it a day if you are not comfortable with it. 

WOW this was a long one.  Farewell for now friends and family, I am making an attempt to write more often, but, those 2 months as you can tell were a doooozy.

Stay happy and healthy!

Love,

Ce

Hey yall!! Happy New Year!  NEW YEAR NEW ME! Who’s with me???……..no one? Lol ok I’m just kidding.  New Year to me just means a new year.  I don’t set new year’s resolutions typically because I am totally the person to set my sights on something, I get motivated, I start working towards said name plan and then life happens and I get distracted.  Now who’s that sound like?  I know I am NOT alone in this.  

However, I can’t help but think of ways that I could improve as a mom, Christian, wife and person.  I would like to continue to enjoy the here and now moments.  I started working on this after the rona hit in March last year and I will continue to work on it.  I would like to take more trips with my family.  Now, I am not talking about break the bank trips or week-long excursions but, we have been camping a few times since coming to Arizona and, those trips are the ones I’d like to continue to do.  We are almost at the point where it doesn’t cost too much or is too much of a headache to pack up and go, ALMOST.  I am a worry wort by trade and a ‘gotta know the details’ type of person.  I could stand to relax a little and I think the hubs has almost broken me.  Don’t worry, it’s a good thing I promise.  SOOOO I am worrying less about the details and can pack the kids and car in almost a day and a half.  I’d like to get to the point where I can have the kids pack their stuff and we can go WITHOUT me rechecking all of the bags.  I would also like to post more on my blog and my you tube channel.  If I considered the time it takes for me to write or video, edit content and post, it adds up to a part time gig.  A stay at home momma of 6 has zero time for a part time gig unless she makes time.  I guess where I would like to improve is setting time for myself.  I changed around my blog just a bit and I think it will continue to evolve as I figure out what direction I am headed.

As you know we have been here since the middle of the HOT 112 degrees , summer.  We have had some time to do local traveling and camping as I said before.  How do you and your spouse figure out where you want to go?  Do you battle over a game of roshambo?  Does just one person decide and leaves the packing to the other?  Do you get excited for the idea but give up when the details become overwhelming?  We have a strange system here that usually starts with a beer or two followed by you tubing ‘best vacation spots’.  The following drama is the exact representation of what happened a few months ago.  The place we ended up going rocked and ill be posting my review of our stay and visit to a really fun park next week.

My husband has a fancy way of dropping hints if he wants to go somewhere.  Who am I kidding??  They are not hints at all….Here’s how it goes;

Me: (on a random Wednesday, figuring out how much we have spent and how many days are left until payday)… hubs comes home from work, we hang out, do dinner, have a beer and we are in bed

Hubs: We should go somewhere this weekend.

Me: like where?

Hubs: I duno somewhere to camp and maybe see some stuff

Me: (grabs my phone) ok like how far do you want to go?

Hubs: It doesn’t matter like 5, 6, 7, 8 hours would be good

Me: researching all the things 5,6,7,8 hours away

Hubs: goodnight babe, love you

Me: love you too……

Me: up for the next hour researching.  Finally get to bed, a kid comes in… up for the next hour researching…. Finally get to bed, put the kid either on the floor or his room….up for the next hour researching….finally get to bed, the alarm clock goes off…

Me: Spends ALLLLLL day Thursday researching, doing price comparisons, comparing drive times, thinking about what ill need on the grocery pick up for this trip.

Me: sends text to hubs at work….Hey did you figure out where you wanna go yet?

Hubs:  I am at full capacity, putting out fires, taking shots to the face, I can’t think about this weekend

Me: Ok!  Hope its better.  Love you

Hubs: love you too

-Hubs gets home from work, we do the nighttime routine and we are back In bed for the night

Me:  STILL RESEARCHING…. I duno babes I think it’s going to cost ____ and the drive one way will be about this______ and the places to stay are booking fast

Hubs: Ok ill do some research

Me: ok!

-I get good sleep knowing he’s got it

Me: (Friday am)  sends text to hubby at work…..hey, did you find a place yet?

Hubs: no swamped, shit is stoooopid

Me:…..Starts to re-research all day looongggggg

-hubs comes home from work

Me: Hey I found a place to stay, got the route figured out and I found something to do on the way home.

Hubs: ok ill check it out

Hubs:  how much is it?

Me: $$$

Hubs:………………….yea I was thinking something less than that, maybe well just go another time to somewhere else

Me:…(irritated initially but quickly rationalizes with him because it was too expensive)…so when do you want to go?

Hubs: I duno well figure it out

Me: (in bed almost asleep)

Hubs:  Look, I found the perfect place, the traveling time isn’t too bad and I found a fun thing to do

Me:…….when?

Hubs: this weekend?  Tomorrow?

Me:…..(grabs my phone, looks up all the things, figures out the time we leave, makes the grocery pick up list, makes a check list on my phone, realize that I need to clean the house and my car, figure out what we are doing with the dog and wonder how I will do 15 loads of laundry before tomorrow am?)

Me: gets up to do a load of laundry

Me: wonders if I should just stay awake and pack

Hubs: SNORING!!!

Me: finally convinces myself that it will be ok and we will leave when I say we can and I drift off to sleep.

*The next day is chaotic but, it all comes together and we head off into the sun.

Is this ringing any bells people???

I love our life, its chaotic and busy and stressful at times and straight crazy town but, its perfect for us!  Your life may be similar to mine or the COMPLETE opposite but, the great news is, its your life and it is perfect for you and where you are in your journey.  You woke up today and God loves you so very much! See you next post.

Love,

Ce

I haven’t had a “job” for a long time.  Before anyone says anything, my stay at home mom job is wayyyyyy more important and more fulfilling then I could have ever imagined.  By the time all is said and done I will have played a huge role in six children becoming adults.  I will have held them at their saddest and cheered for them at their happiest.  I will have been sad and disappointed and in the same breath proud and the most excited.  I already know that me being home is the best thing for our kids.  I guess I feel like sometimes I need to see it on paper.  Like, if I write it or, in this case type it, it means more. 

Back to my first sentence….”I haven’t had a get up early, receive regular monetary compensation type of job in a long time”.  When I say long, we are talking, 9 years.  Ok now that I have typed that, its not that long but, I left active duty in August 2011.  I worked briefly at the gym on Oceana naval base and then started college.  I did a few years in the reserves which, I guess sort of counts.  I worked really hard In college and now have three degrees.  One of which I fear I may never use and, the other two, I am working up the gumption to continue that path.  Now that I have gone through the rabbit hole of college, I lost my train of thought. 

AH yes!  What is the point???? At times I feel like, even in the midst of rocking at being a mom, I am lost.  The questions that continue to cycle back through my brain; What will I do when I’m older?  What do I see myself doing?  Will I know my purpose after my children are grown?  It’s scary and unsettling to say the least.  Why can’t I just stop to smell the roses?  Why can’t I be still where I am?  Does anyone else feel like this? I think I may know the direction I would like to go but, I can’t be 100% sure because I can’t see that far down the road.  Is that wrong? Am I failing to plan which as my husband would say is a plan for failure? 

My dad learned a saying while in rehab, you probably know it, “One day at a time”.  DUHHHHHH  Crystal!  I got myself a little worked up and anxious thinking about the future that I felt like I wanted to just run and hide.  Right now it is almost midnight and what I need to be doing is going to bed.  Tomorrow I am not checking out the job market, I plan on doing my mom morning routine to get the kids to school on time.  I also need to get groceries, pay bills and work out…all before noon! WHEW!!

 There are times where I feel like I don’t know why God has placed me here.  If you are reading this and you have been here, there are times where we may feel like we are a burden financially and that we should be looking for a job.  There are times where we may feel as though we are inadequate.  There are times where we may need to be lifted up and not put down.  ONE DAY AT A TIME.  Just breath through it and know you are enough.  Know that God made you wonderfully and purposefully and that he has a plan for you.  GOOODNESSS……I feel better.  OK we can do this!  I am going to bed but before I go, I have decided to change up my blog a bit. You’ll notice some changes in the next few days and I hope they are for the better.  I’d like to start a daily affirmation prayer message.  I may do it on here or just on my IG.  I’ll mull it over tonight and see how it fits. Until tomorrow my loves!

Love,

Ce

Anyone else having a hard time getting a schedule going at the start of this school year???? I am going to rewind a little to give you all insight as to what was going on with our lives just 5 short months ago. Rob was deployed and me and our six humans were BBBBUUUSSSYYYY (extra letters all the way around) because it was crazy.  My planner looked like the cookie monster and the count with their bags of letter and numbers threw up all over the entire months of March, April and May. 

THEN COVID and sssssccccccrrrreeeeeeeeeecchhhhh……..

All the stuff was halted and I was drowning in online learning for 3- 4/ 6 of them ..lets face it, Dixies preschool learning was put on hold and I couldn’t get Carson to sit still to watch a 5 minute video of his teacher on class DOJO.  I was pulling my hair out!  No gym time with Steph, no running, no Y, no drive through Starbuck’s ‘just because’.  There was zero Mom time.  It took about 2 weeks of struggling and I had the shit on lock!  Oh!  My first adult word…I won’t let those happen too often, I am just trying to let you know that I was the bomb.com.  I was ok with the lack of mom time and worked that online learning like a boss.

THEN we had a wonderful homecoming amidst the pandemic and sssscccreeeeeecccccchhhhhhh……

All of you military spouses out there know that the schedule you had and the routine that was set in place when your spouse was gone goes completely out of the window when they get back.  Don’t get it twisted I was so happy I didn’t have to parent alone anymore but, there’s an adjustment period.  Too add to the mix, we were supposed to be moving in June but, with the virus, pcs’ were put on hold for so many people.  We had to put a request to move on time and it became an anxiety driven waiting game for 3 weeks.

THEN we got orders and we were leaving in 2 weeks   sssssscccccrreeeecccchhhhh……

The final steps of our homebuying process in AZ was almost complete, the UHAUL, AIRbnb’S, hotels and flights all needed to be booked.  We needed to figure out a route and we needed to nail down the budget. 

THEN we left and took a cross country trip with my parents, a uhaul with a trailer, my tahoe and robs truck.  It took us 7 days to get from eastern NC to our home in Arizona.  We had a great trip and we are so blessed that my parents are ready and willing to help us with each move.  We had a lot of fun.  We got adjusted pretty quickly (this is not our first rodeo).  The kids were registered to start school August 1^st and everyone in the house couldn’t be more excited!

THEN COVID was again affecting our kid’s ability to go to school. I’ve got to throw out a side note: I am the best mom I can be but, there is no way I can homeschool 5 kids with a toddler.  NOPE. Please know I would do it if that was the only choice and I would work my butt off to give them the best education I could but, for them, we needed a better option.  We looked into private school and YES!!!! They were going to be able to go to school!! Everyone was happy, the kids couldn’t wait to meet friends, Rob was excited an actual teacher was going to be teaching them and I was bursting at the seams that I could get a little bit of me time back.  I am not trying to be selfish guys, please don’t criticize me for wanting me time but, to be honest; if I have some me time, the end result is I have a schedule again AND I can be a better mom.

We are a month into school and while the weekends still have me in a state of frenzy because of the mess that 6 kids make in an afternoon is shocking but, we are really having a great time.  Today is also the day that I am posting my working out with toddlers video.  HA!  My tripod is annoying. I was having the hardest time getting it to hold my phone and Tyler was being, well 2 which made me have to stop a bunch of times.  Really what it was, was a trial workout video.  I wanted to see how much of a workout I could get done without interruption because I am about a week into the 21 day fix and I am thinking of sharing my progress with you all.  Turns out, not much but, I am excited to start this journey! 

I know that the finding a schedule can be hard and I know that juggling homeschooling and self-care is next to impossible but, if you set your mind to it and it’s a change you really need to make, you can make it happen. I believe in you and I am excited for you!!

Love,

Ce

PS. Go check out my you tube page and give me a thumbs up!

Here’s the link to the latest video! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nNHIoAE3UlM&t=36s

Ok so I’ve created a You tube channel.  Of course, I have done the same thing with it as I did with this blog.  Honestly, it is not like me at all because I am a go getter and usually can be accused of making ‘knee jerk’ decisions.  So, in my mind the social media platforms would be right up my alley. BUT…maybe my procrastination self is trying to take over.  I have watched about a billion you tube videos on ‘how to start a channel’ and every single one has said that just posting is the first step. But, what do I post about?  Do I just post a video without editing? Or do I try to learn how to edit before?  I have so many ideas on what the content will be but, what if it’s scattered content just like our lives?  Should it focus more on recipes, DIY, kids, mom hacks, trips?  Can we do it all? 

…………………

I took a few hours to regroup, I was getting antsy. I would be letting myself down if I thought I could do it all because in the end we can’t. Let’s be honest mom’s we have a bunch of versions of us we would rather be and we have our Pinterest boards maxed out with things we want to do, that we may never have time to get to.  I also, would be completely crazy if I stuck with one section of our lives for vlogging purposes because I would be doing an injustice to the millions of people out there. ( I know, I know, ‘Crystal you haven’t even posted anything’, I’m getting there people!)  We have a busy life and it would be so fun to put it ALL out there.   Right now, I am typing and my two year old is turning my sewing machine off and on , is trying to plug my laptop cord into the top of my computer while pooping in his diaper….all the while I am keeping my cool……that’s raw talent right there! HA!

All jokes aside, I am a stay at home mom that tries to wake up the same time every day to drive our kids to school on time.  I try to clean the house, play with the baby, make dinner and help with homework.  I am the mom who wants better for her kids than I had.  I try to be the best supportive and loving wife that I can.  I try to be the snuggle mom, the fun mom, the strong mom, the ‘I got your back mom’, the everything mom.  There is only so much we can do and, in the end, if we try to show love and support to our kids today maybe a little more than yesterday, we are making progress!  I am here for you and I know you can do it!  First vlog is posting when this goes up.  My first video is a quick intro and a time lapse of me cleaning the toy room with a toddler!! Y’all this is RIVOTING stuff! BAHAHAH!!!But wait, I’ve added a ‘moms mess ups’ at the end.   OH and don’t mind the water mark…I’m not sure  if I am going to use the software just yet.  Check it out! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6WelI9MGTuM

Love,

Ce

Since my last post, I have stood in the shower, went to bed and have woken up day after day with so many thoughts in my head. So many ideas for my next at least 10 blog posts but, the day gets away from me and  Its hard to find time to sit on my computer and just type without being “Mom’d”…. so I put it away for another day.  I know that most of the people who know me would say, “don’t be too hard on yourself, you are a busy woman” but, if I want this to be a great blog, I need to set some ‘me time’ and type.  I have very few things that I do that don’t involve the kids so, I apologize for the lack of posts and I am here to say, “I’m back on the horse”.  You may know my history and what my life was like before today but, for all of those who don’t, here goes……

My senior year of high school was where I finally figured out what I was going to do after graduation.  I wasn’t given the “go anywhere you want for college” speech nor did we really talk about what I wanted to be when I grew up.  We didn’t have the money or the credit for my parents to send me to college and I knew that. I had friends who had been looking at schools for an entire year and I was scrambling the last few months of my senior year to figure out how I could get out on my own without asking my parents for money.  I briefly looked at the Air Force for a solution and one of my friends Rob, who would later become my finance, now, hubby and baby daddy, took me to the Navy recruiter and I signed a contract to be a Hospital Corpsman very quickly after that meeting.  I had to wait 12 months for a spot and during that 12 months I drank wayyy too much and fought with my mom on a regular basis.  Rob had left for boot camp, graduated, went to 2 schools and was about to go on his first deployment when I hoped in the car with the recruiter and headed to Ft. Dix to start my journey.  Looking back now, I loved boot camp but, at the time I know I wished I was doing something else or wondering if I was making the right decision.  I graduated and headed right across the street to Corps school.  I loved school.  I loved being on my own and I loved having my own money.  Rob surprised me when he came home from deployment while I was at school and I still remember every second of him being spotted by my friend Melissa who was standing watch. I graduated a month early and got orders close to Rob.   

Ill fast forward some details because there is no way I am going to go through every single duty station and memory but, Portsmouth, Camp Lejeune, Parris Island and Portsmouth (again) was were I spent my active duty and reserve time (July 2004-July 2014).  I decided to leave active duty in 2011 and went to nursing school.  I loved clinicals!  School was never my strong suite but, I lived for clinical rotations.  I graduated in May of 2014 a few months after Rob got commissioned.  We moved to northern VA and that is where I started my gut-wrenching cycle of studying and failing my boards.  I’ve taken that test 6 times. If you have ever taken a test like that, each of the those times equaled months of studying. Leaving my kids alone to play for hours so that I could go over my textbooks and Kaplan’s testing strategies. Hundreds of dollars spent and many many hours of actual test taking, only to feel completely defeated with a non pass result.  I felt like a failure each time and questioned my decision to get out of the Navy. We had 3 more children and I prayed every day about what I was supposed to be doing with my life.  I felt like I needed a job.  I wasn’t bringing in money and to me it meant I wasn’t contributing.  Rob and I had many conversations and there were times where I felt like we were on completely different pages.  I had a hard time expressing how I felt but I think I knew deep down that being a stay at home mom was what God had planned for me but, I refused to accept it.   We lived paycheck to pay check with credit card balances that made me feel like we were drowning and to me, it was my fault.  I can’t remember the exact date, probably right before Rob deployed out of North Carolina (2017) where I felt like I was officially a stay at home mom.  I felt accepted, I didn’t feel pressure to get a job and I felt like Rob and I were on the same page.   I could finally put my mind at ease and just do what God intended which was take care of the home and babies.

I have never had a more rewarding career then being a stay at home mom.  I am blessed to be able to do this, visit school for parties, conferences and so much more.  After schools closed in March, I again was reminded that at home was where I was supposed to be.  I am not sure if we will ever experience a quarantine again so I tried to make the most of it.  Of course, there have been days that I wanted to rip my hair out and go back to bed but, the good far outweighed the bad.  I am excited to be on this wonderful journey and I love being a stay at home mom! Moms, Dads, parental figures, If you are having a hard time; you can do this, I am cheering for you! Kids grow by the second and this time right now will never come back around.

Love, 

Ce 

I couldn’t let too much time go by without writing a Mother’s Day post, is it cliché?  Maybe but, I don’t care!  I am proud of being a mom and I will shout it for the world to hear. I can’t remember what it was like before we had kids, not that I would want to but, in all my most cherished moments, our kids were there.  If you read my intro page or you know our family, I am a mom of six children.  Six amazing human beings with their own personalities, ways of doing things, likes and dislikes.

As a mom, It’s easy to get caught up in a routine or schedule. We find ourselves spending minutes or hours of our time planning for the ‘next thing’.  Here’s how it goes….Plan, execute plan, take pictures, post to social media.  I like the idea of planning.  Planning is not entirely terrible except when it consumes us.  Carefully planned outings turn into chores and essentially something else added to the list of things to do.  We have become obsessed with capturing staged moments that, I feel as though we are missing out on the point.

 I am or was a ‘planner-aholic’.  Before quarantine I had all the things, I needed to do on my planner. Every. Single. Day.  The majority of the activities started after the kid’s school day ended but, I spent a lot of time just trying to figure out who I was going to drop off when and which route made it easier to take. Beginning on March 1^st, my calendar was CRAZY looking; I had one in golf, 2 in gymnastics, 2 in baseball, 5 in karate and a deployed hubby. Making sure I got everyone where they needed to go would have meant that, I would have missed every golf practice and at least one of the boy’s baseball practices a week.  On Thursday’s, I could drop off the kids at karate, keep the baby in the car to nap while I picked up the oldest from golf and rush back just in time to catch the kids putting their shoes back on at karate.  This to me was a great plan because the kids would at least get to where they needed to go and get picked up on time.  What I never thought about was how much I would miss.  I would miss the long drive with her favorite club our golfer would hit and those cute babies trying their hardest to do a roundhouse kick at a paddle.  Not only was I missing the moments but, I had forgotten what those activities were like for me when I was a kid.  I remember how it felt to see my mom at the finish line with her big camcorder on her shoulder when I was coming around that turn for my 4×200 race and flying past my dad at the third base line waving me home.  How could I not be there for my kids?  How could I have thought that my plan was a good plan? 

In the middle of March I took white out and crossed off everything on my planner.  We had nowhere to be.  I was instantly anxious, what was I going to do?  What were the kids going to do?  Great news is in an instant I felt a sense of ease.  Our God works in mysterious ways and I knew it was going to be ok. I can come up with a bunch of reasons why I am now ok with being quarantined with my family but, my favorite part has been hanging out with them each day.  I get to see them create things, play pretend and ride their bikes sunup to sundown, all the while not ‘having’ to be anywhere but with them.  

 I am blessed to be able to witness them growing.  We try very hard to make sure that they know how much we love them.  We ensure they know that they are special in their own way.  I also feel it is pretty important that they learn that their talents and voice should be used for good and to hopefully make this world a better place.  We Thank the Lord for our wonderful life often, probably not often enough but, with each morning they wake, precious smile and every tear, We are thankful for them.       

 Mother’s Day started with me opening my eyes and one of them staring at me inches from my face, instructing me not to move.  I was instantly excited, (like I still get on Christmas morning).  My oldest girls were cooking bacon and made coffee, I could smell it!!  I had a few of the littles join me back in bed while I was waiting.  I don’t care what anyone says, snuggles can fix all the problems of the world.

The kids all worked together to make a booklet for me!  A special thanks to my sister for reaching out to the girls to have them print out the pages. 

The kids played our wedding song; “Faithfully” by Journey and I was serenated to the table.  They had made sourdough biscuits and gravy, bacon, sausage and Nutella cups with strawberries.  They had even picked me flowers.  That was my favorite Mother’s Day breakfast to date. 

We had a wonderful church sermon via face book live and our son; Robbie helped me with the Children’s message. The rest of the day was filled with outside chores and everyone snuggling on the couch watching movies.

With 6 kids, it is hard to give each one individual attention.  I am sure that even a mom of one finds it hard to split their time between personal, professional and family life.  With 6 I can honestly say, the personal time is limited to almost none.  I am totally ok with it though we are living our best life.  My struggle is making sure each one is heard and that they know they are an individual.  I decided on Mother’s Day that, I would spend time with each one by themselves for ‘Mommy and Me’ time.  It was the best week and I enjoyed every single day of it.  Here’s a little journal of our week!

Monday-5/11/2020. Robbie and Mommy day.  He asked if we could go look for sharks’ teeth. He chatted the entire time in the car about fishing and things he wants to do with daddy when he gets home.  He made comments about being strong and how he loves his little brother.  He bet he could find more sharks teeth than me.  He was right and often found them in an area I was walking over (making sure to let me know how many I missed). Robert Franklin (Robbie) is 7 and right now would like to be a Marine and then a dentist.  He is caring and is a very good big brother.  I can count on him to make me smile and help me with chores that involve heavy lifting. 

Tuesday-5/12/2020.  Carson and Mommy day.  He also asked if we could look for sharks’ teeth.  We headed to the same place as the day before.  Carson also is quite the talker like his brother.  I asked him what he would like to be when he grows up and his response was “a robot”.  I rephrased the question and asked “What job?” and he said, “Car salesman”.  I knew this already because for school he asked to be a car salesman for career day. He went into detail about how much people would pay him for the cars and how many he would have on his lot.  He also explained that some of his cars would have fire coming from them when they were going super-fast.  We got to the shark’s teeth place and he ran around enjoying his freedom away from his siblings.  He found more shark’s teeth than me, shocker…..  Carson Wallace is 5 and has an infectious laugh.  He is genuine and cares about his whole family.  He is my most strong-willed child and I am sure could be President one day.

Wednesday-5/13/2020. Dixie and Mommy day.  Dixie donned her queen Elsa dress and requested to find sharks teeth and treasure.  I was exhausted of the 22 minute drive one way to the place I had been two days prior that we opted to check out some others.  Dixie was somewhat quiet during our drive and spent the ride rolling the window up and down.  When she did speak, it was when we saw or heard a plane and she would yell, “That’s my daddy”.  (She thinks that every plane we see is her dad coming home), it brings me to tears.  We went to three different places and found; shells, rocks, money and flowers.  Dixie Elizabeth is 3 and is growing into her voice.  She loves to be snuggled and would rather play with all of her siblings than by herself.  She would like to be Elsa and marry her daddy.  She is smart beyond her age and is the cutest 3-year-old I have ever seen.

Thursday-5/14/2020.  Natalie and Mommy day.  Natalie is my workout buddy.  I trained for the Marine Corps marathon last year and Nat was there with me, riding her bike for most of my runs.  She loves being outside so, she requested we walk around the close little fishing town and coffee shop.  Natalie is a people watcher so, during the car ride she was silent.  We chatted and laughed our entire 2.5 mile walk.  I donned my mask and got us coffee and bagels and we sat by the water and talked about her daddy coming home.  Natalie Rayne is 10 and has wanted to be a teacher since she could talk.  She helps me anytime I ask, no matter the task.  She adores her siblings and is filled with such a love for life, its incredible. 

Friday-5/15/2020.  Ocean and Mommy day.  Ocean wanted to do some walking and asked if we could see something different.  We don’t venture into downtown very often so I figured we could certainly check out the water, walk down town and go to a local coffee shop during our walk.  Ocean sang along to the radio station during the ride.  We talked about life and teenage things during our 3.5 mile walk.  She took pictures of the birds and any animal she could get a good shot of.  Ocean Rose is 12 and is introducing us to the ‘teenage life’.  She loves all animals and is the smartest kid I know.  She reminds me of her dad when it comes to her knowledge base in that, she knows a little bit about everything.  Right now she wants to follow in her daddy’s footsteps and become a Marine.  She also would like to be an exotic vet.

Tyler Joseph is the youngest and isn’t quite two.  I didn’t have a separate day with him because he is just happy being able to be naked, running around the yard with his siblings.  He is bubbly and happy most of the time.  He is a decent sleeper and loves to be snuggled.  I enjoy watching him running around with everyone else just happy to be alive.

That week was one of my favorite weeks of my life.  I got to talk and laugh with each kid by themselves.  I got to hug and hold them as individuals.  I enjoyed every second of our semi planned week.  If there is one thing that I know now, when life goes back to normal, I will plan to never go back to what I did before.  I will plan to spend as much time with my family as I can.  I will plan to be the best Mom, Wife and Friend that I can be.  I will plan to love each moment. Those are all plans that I can get used to.

Love,

Ce